christmas

Recently, i have been feeling so empty inside.
My life has became so stagnant.
I no longer can get high and happy on drinks.
Cigarettes have also failed to fill the vacuum.
Once again, i dunno what im writing.
I dun even know y i am depressed.

Im as lethargic as the mkt.
The mkt that has the few participants who are not worth mentioning.
Where is everyone?

Why would Christmas without fail, sucks air out of me and leaves me gasping for someone. Gets more harsh each year. For the love of God, i know why now. A lover is calling me and i chose to be alone. Brave huh. So i know,

Im have been real terrible deal negotiator at my own lifetable. Time to be the banker for once and steer the game to be one that i have lived and laughed and loved well.