Last Day of Trading

Shall end the last trading day on a cheesy yet heartfelt tune: ~~~

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

Aaaahhhhh....I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detestI will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like thisI’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

christmas

Recently, i have been feeling so empty inside.
My life has became so stagnant.
I no longer can get high and happy on drinks.
Cigarettes have also failed to fill the vacuum.
Once again, i dunno what im writing.
I dun even know y i am depressed.

Im as lethargic as the mkt.
The mkt that has the few participants who are not worth mentioning.
Where is everyone?

Why would Christmas without fail, sucks air out of me and leaves me gasping for someone. Gets more harsh each year. For the love of God, i know why now. A lover is calling me and i chose to be alone. Brave huh. So i know,

Im have been real terrible deal negotiator at my own lifetable. Time to be the banker for once and steer the game to be one that i have lived and laughed and loved well.

back to basics

I received a temp replacement phone recently. It was indeed retro w its iconic single lined graphic against blue lights. I'd kinda enjoyed the simplicity of havg such phone. No doubt there were inconveniences, but it was easy to get ard. Missing it already.

It was prob e preview of a life tat's basic enough. Im too ahead of my time and surely missing out.

last drop of fluid

I have been trying to write something meaningful. At least something that can represent the loads of tots in my head.

I have been thinking so hard, my head hurts. My ability to dissect lumps into recognizable bits seems to have abandoned me.

Now, im entangled in my own tots, unable to break free. I just kept twirling, thinking that the ends would be nearer my hand. I tried so hard, just to find my own train of tots getting tighter and choking me breathless. The lack of air made me hallucinate a hell lot. Im finding it increasingly difficult to differentiate between what is real and not.

My neurons have just propelled me to pure imagination and left me there.

Someone save me please.

passed the week drunk.

How i dread 2005. 13 more days.

Dory

someone commented that i'm like dory. i couldnt understand it at first although nemo's fren did cross my mind. For the first time, im forgetful. I guess i'd tried too hard in wanting to forget abt the doldrums im in and i'd conveniently pulled the plug on my memory.

I like it this way. It sux to have an elephant memory. Pain stays longer than usual and happiness lingers as long to cloud the very lessons learnt. In the end, you are reduced to a helplessly hopeful pooch chasing your own tail and biting yourself.

I like this fren, i see the familiar fear in her. Im glad it can no longer hold me at gunpt.I wish she can walk away soon enough as well and look headon, the bruises with pride. I see her potential in being really happy one day and i wish that we together can feel that life is good finally.

a week of rest

It started with a mandatory leave and ended with much needed goodbyes.
I hate not building something as i get wash away by time. The last few days have been concrete and definitive in what we all consider as 'time flies'. It came, knocked me over and over and over , finally flew past me. Later did i know, it would not let me go. It dragged me along with a large part of me wanting to rest. I helplessly abraded against the cold hard uneven realities, with my eyes looking at nuthing but the depression created.

My thoughts are so random now and I wish that by typing them out in a box like this, it would settle and i would be able to piece them together in an orderly fashion so that i can understand what im thinking right now.

Goodbye to all fatigue and irregularities that have been clouding my supposedly clear mind.

clouds

My bars have been raised by an extreme force that is hard to come by.
And now, many would just walk under it with me losing sight of everything but the skies.
Its time to take a rest and i started to look at the clouds moving.
The more u look at the clouds, the faster they seem to be moving.
There was this particular one that i was unable to catch up with.
Before i know it, it had joined the other clouds.

I realise that my ability to focus has diminished to a level i have nv been before.
I cant seem to know what im thinking

December blues

Met an ex shool mate yesterday.

Time is strength in itself. It accumulates trust between you and the friendships found eons ago without you even knowing it. I always think that trust is a vulgarity in itself. It gifs u total freedom when u use it, but leaves u with an unbearable aftertaste when its lost. i find it very difficult to trust anyone. But to ple whom you know since they were wearing braces and tiny tees, trust comes so easy. Even when you hang out wif them less than 5 times a year.

I realised that it was easy to build trust then, when the plate we held out wasn't broken yet.