happy :)

I’m so sorry that I’d been so complicated. But,

You did overwhelm me with acts of love I find it difficult to contain

I really can’t justify my inclusion in that part of the world where such accommodation exists

And would rather recite all reasons over and over,

Just to pluck myself out from wherever you want me to be

But I’m getting used to having you so different.

Thanks for the confidence.

It meant more than you know.

There are so much more than you know.

I wish to tell you one day.

brokeback mountain

Its been so long since I last fell in love.
I almost have forgotten how it feels like.
‘its nv enough’ brought it all back.
It has once brought me through the baptism of extreme pain in hell before a sneak peek into heaven and yet worth that almost eternal suffering. The high strung emotions firing every expressions of love and hate. I’d ever wished I could quit. I’d ever blamed someone for throwing me off my tracks. I’d ever hit and regret. I’d ever planned on forgetting abt the rest of the world.
I wan to go back there. Only when im there, I would be able to feel my heart beating and me living.

prev posts

Guess my previous posts would have made many uncomfortable. hee...fret not, cos im not in that bad a shape.

Currently, Im rather well protected by an invisible hand. I cant really see it but i know its there. I need help in improving my vision. I need to see things tat is real and not what i have imagined. I wanna help those I love, love me.

unrelated

An unrelated post to an unwanted soul:

There's a guide in life itself

It doesnt really matter whether you are there or not

e underlying

i dun seem to like a simple life very much.
i get so exhausted just searching for the ignition to jumpstart my day
i think tat my desire for volatility is indeed diabolical.
its destroying every opportunity i hav to build a long enuff rls w anyone and anything.
i dun seem to be able to relate
i feel so distant
no one seems to be able to touch me
no one seems to be interested
i feel so alone.

Im begining to feel tat no one would ever know tat i'd ever breathed

my gentle memphis

i saw myself in him yest. He was behaving in a way i wished i could have and would still be loved in return.

random behaviours.

sometimes i feel like a discipline master amongst a school of rebellious kids.
behaviours nowadays are just so out of wack, they instantly reminded me of e very random movements i saw on e tray of bacteria culture i'd created eons ago.
i realised its difficult for me to swallow disappointments or non-honouring of promises like they dun matter.
Not that it meant anything as yet. I just love to blow things out of proportion and imagine how i would react. In this unstable world of extremists, came wif it a gift from rocket scientists --- stress tests. I stress test, and beyond, all relations that would potentially mean anything to me to guage whether i have enough stakes to see me through if the ship i hopped onto hit an iceberg. Cos its really difficult to be on the same lifeboat wif another like pole. I need my very own float at least.